*PSA*

I totally want to be hate her.

I can't even lie. I think Beyonce being preggo is pretty freakin' amazing. She's pretty much going to be the most fabulous pregnant chick ever. And considering Halle Berry and J.Lo AND Jessica Alba have all popped out some kids, that's saying a lot. All Hail Queen Beysus, lol! JK! But not really...

A "Prodigal" experience

Yeah, He created it...But He didn't intend for it to solve ALL of our problems...

Sooooooo, this weekend was muy muy interesante... I told you in my previous post that I was out on a ledge. Well, this weekend after a sort of major/minor blowup with my mom, a baby shower invitation, and just a bad case of the imtwentysixwhatamidoingwithmylife, I was pretty much head first out the window watching the ground run to meet my face. Every now and then I'd start a thought with, oh Lord, and then I'd remember that I was no longer speaking to Jesus. I even went to the bar...alone. It wasn't so bad actually except that this is East Texas so instead of getting to drown my sorrows in my cucumber martini with the rest of the lowly drunks, I had to watch some random game with a band of raging lunatics that some people might refer to as children. Cause for some reason, parents here think it's entertaining to request seating for them and their kids at the bar.

Sinners in the hands of an angry God

Hello...God? Can you hear me now?

I really didn't want to write a post today- or even this week for that matter. I've been feeling some type of way and just didn't even want to allow those feelings to manifest on the screen. But, the whole point of this blog is supposed to be an experiment in consistency and honesty so...

The Curse of the "What I should have said" moment.

A scene straight out of my adolescents if a was a 20-something black male in LA

I always admired the people in school who were never short of a witty comeback or snappy one liner.While I've always been clever, I've never been too quick on the draw. It always seemed to take a second too long for my brain to connect with my lips and when it did the delivery was too weak to make an impact. It was ok though- I wouldn't have called myself a cool kid but I did have the cool friends so somehow I managed to always find myself in an inner-circle. This ultimately was not for my good though. Instead of embracing my inner oddities and quirks, I constantly molded myself to the expectation du jour. Consequently, I find myself just beginning to know myself at the ripe old age of 26. Anyway, the point is that because of my affirmative action status in the circle, nobody expected the sharp and sassy from me. And when they got, it served as some humorous entertainment for them.

A spoonful of crow...

So, I have to take back my birthday lament- well partially. My 26th turned out to be pretty awesome. My office cake was only the beginning of many celebrations over the course of the weekend including my last official birthday lunch on yesterday! To my pleasant surprise I got many thoughtful gifts, wishes, and blessings-some from people I was even more surprised to get them from, all because they decided I was special. *awwwwwww* More importantly, I got to spend some time with my sweet family eating, shopping, playing cards, and just lounging around. Then my bff and her cousins decided to buy me a round for each year. If rounds were years, I only made it to age 3! Ha! All in all, it was pretty great- the best in a while.

Now that I'm on the other side of 25 and face forward to 30, I can say I don't feel much different other than feeling more aware. And that's a good thing, a very good thing. So, to the 25 years young me I say, here's looking at you kid. To 26 and beyond? I say, hopefully this shall be the beginning of a beautiful friendship :)

"Do you not think so far ahead? 'Cause I've been thinking bout forever..." Frank Ocean

It's just one of those nights. I'm gonna let Frank Ocean handle this for me...

Lyrics after the jump...

Better than expected...

My actual corner office with a view...

I went to sleep last night kind of heavy. I seem to have a million things on my plate that I don't quite know what to do with. The deadline I've put on my move is fast approaching and I have no leads- as a matter of fact, I'm not even in a mental space to move yet even if I had a new job waiting. What I really need is a vacation. I need an escape from hearing squeaking brakes only two weeks after fixing an alignment which happened just a couple months after replacing the starter. I want to spend $200 on something other than cavity fillings and consultations. I want to not go broke trying to not go broke! *deep sigh* So yes, I went to bed a bit heavy worried about the things I could not change, can not fix, can't foresee...

Then I woke up. And it wasn't so bad. The sun was shining. It was a little less hot. My bang swooped in just the right way and my favorite black tee was folded in my drawer, not balled up in the bottom of the dirty clothes bin. I'm still forced to stare at the GAP everyday, but what a magnificent GAP it is.

After the Love is Gone

"Something happened along the way" that made this moment absolutely necessary

Our office conducted it's first interview today to replace my old roomie. As I sat and listened to the overenthusiastic candidate go on and on about the joys of pushing paper over the faint musical stylings of Earth Wind and Fire streaming from my speakers, and I after I called bullshit on about 14 of her 16 answers, I realized that the time to make amends with my current profession had come and gone.

Sippin' on Haterade...

My friend and her mountainous landscape can kiss my ...

A friend of mine just emailed me "Finally WIFI! Sitting at the base of Mont Blanc in Chamonix France eating crepes..." I wanted to fire back a you-suck-at-life response. But I didn't. I just looked up past my computer screen and out to the Giant Ass Pine Tree. *deep sigh* Generally I would hate, but I refrained. I reminded myself that some people would love to reside on the Upper East Side of this sprawling desert that is Texas. Complete with pine trees, lizards, and 100+ degree summers... Who wouldn't want to be here?

The Kid and the Case of the Quarter-Life Crisis

Meet The Kid>>>>

How employers trust ^this^ person with professional responsibilities is
definitely a question that should keep you up at night.

*For the sole purpose of my own satisfaction, I will be referring to myself as "The Kid" from now on...until I get bored with that and come up with a new name for myself.*

Just Another Manic-Depressive Monday...

I don't remember this at all...but it looks like I had fun *shrug*

It's another week y'all. I feel like I just did this... Entire weeks seem to just merge into one giant day. My weekends are starting to feel like my dreams-  awesome and interesting while I'm in them, but when they're over I don't remember a thing. It's like they never happened. *deep sigh*

All in the family...

...these are a few of my FAY-VOR-IT things...

                                If you don't think this is funny, you're reading the wrong blog.


1.I love laughter. I love anyone or anything that can make me laugh- I mean head back, chest heaving, teary-eyed laugh out loud! Crude, crass, silly, clever, witty, juvenile, slapstick! I welcome it all.

musings: "Home"

My home- so close and yet so far away...

Hello Home,
It's been a while
since I've felt your sun and seen your smile.


I've missed you, Home.
Have you missed me?
I dream about your sky
I still smell your sea
I feel your grass beneath my feet
        and every blade between my toes
        I taste your air in through my nose
Your misty gaze envelopes me...


What happened, Home
Where is my rest?
I came to lay my head
But you've moved my bed
and all our pictures from our room
       only space remains
       and weathered paint
Now there rests a couch instead...


Oh dear Home
How quickly you've changed!
Is it just me
Do you not think your speed strange?!
Can you not wait
      til I've planted some roots
      swallowed this cold truth
I feel so displaced...


Ok Home.
I understand.
I must leave your house
Cleave to another man...
But in the interim
Until I've found that place
Am I not welcome at all in your space?
This purgatory land I'm in
I feel I've been cast out for some great sin
       I fear I'll sink in this quicksand
       I'm reaching blindly for a hand
But thanks to you I have thick skin
I suck it up
I hold it in...


Home sweet home,
I have no malice with you.
This is just the beginning,
What we all must go through.
But I'll play ball
      My bags are packed
      I'll pray along the way for what I lack
      I'll lay my dreams like bricks in stacks
      leave blessings for others in my tracks...
And eventually I'll find wherever my journey ends
That you are there with me just as you were when I began.
And then no longer will I be afraid
I shall be brave
      I'll cast my net into the deep
      I'll only glance before I leap
      And breathe one quick sigh of relief


     Because I'll know that Home shall be wherever the fates land my feet.


-by me, just now-

"Either they don't know, don't show, or don't care about what's going on in the hood."

My ex-boyfriend picking me up for our date at the "Skatin' Rank" and Wendy's

This morning, while booty popping in the mirror to the gangsta' rap Pandora station I created  mix tape I picked up from the trap, I began to reflect on my life growing up in a quiet residential district on the mean streets of Mississippi. My mama worked 2 jobs over the course of my childhood, not at the same time and my daddy was never home except after 6 and on weekends, so it's a wonder that I made it out the hood without 2 kids and 3 baby daddies.

musings...

My problem has always been lack of focus. I have so many interests, so many ideas... I've always relied on the people closest to me to make decisions for me since I couldn't do it for myself. And when they refused, I pretty much did the equivalent of flipping a coin to make my choice. In doing that though, I've done myself such a disservice. I look back on things I wanted to do but didn't, opportunities that I wanted to take but passed over... all because I couldn't make a definitive choice about what I wanted to do.

It's no one's fault but my own.  When you let others make decisions for you and you make decisions for the wrong reasons, you're forced to play the hand you're dealt. I don't have a bad life by any means. But, I'm not satisfied.  I have so many dreams that haven't been nurtured. So much potential that hasn't been realized...

That all ends now though. I saw a quote the other day that said a "choice not made is still a choice."  I don't really have anything deep to say about that. You get to a point where there are no more words, only actions. I'm at the point.