"Baby, you're so special, you should be on the cover of the Special K box."

#winning

They say time flies when you're having fun. If that's true than time for me has gone by faster than universities can turn out pedophiles and sexual predators. Too soon? Probably. And man, do I feel good?! My weekend away was WONDERFUL. It was just...everything *said dreamily with doe eyes*. I just feel so lucky and blessed. :-). And then, Thanksgiving was wonderfully restful. I may have put on actual clothes once over my four day break. Anyway, it was so nice that I managed to make it to work today on time and without the usual taste of bitterness in my mouth. I'd call that a #win.

But honestly, I think my uplifted mood comes more from knowing that my time here is steadily and speedily coming to an end. Fortunately, the new digs will be halfway between here and home so I get to make new friends and keep my old ones AND be closer to my sweet mommy (and the pops and sis of course).

It's kind of amazing how the course of your life can change in the blink of an eye. And yes, tomorrow could overturn all our current plans. But that's ok. Because in actuality, all I ever really have is today anyway. And today I am extremely happy and excited about the future. It's full of all the things I've ever wanted and it's so close I can touch it. In a world full of sadness and disappointment, where good people die young and murderers live to be 100, it makes no sense to dwell on the unfortunate things you can not change. We're all going to die anyway, and few of us will be ready to go back with Jesus when He comes so the least we could do is try to live the short time that we have happy. *shrug* All you can do is think it over, talk about it with Jesus and pray that you really heard him say yes (or no) and forge ahead.

Anyway, it's time to get back in the groove of things. Only three working weeks this month and thanks to a special guest this coming weekend, I'm already feeling pleasantly unfocused. :-)

Happy Monday! Make it count. Be present in your life and live the hell outta it!

Took a moment to reminisce...and well, I'll let Amos do the talking for me.

Amos Lee- "Seen It All Before"

Breaking up is hard. Even when you weren't really together to begin with. Sometimes, that makes it even harder. There's no closure for something like that. You're just left with a bunch of what ifs and a bit of bitterness. I normally wouldn't share this. But I'm emotional today. I'm excited about my something new. But I think of him...and I hate it had to come to this. *deep sigh*

Such is life.

Thank God for context clues.

How many of us have them...friends.

You know, I think people really take for granted how awesome it is to find animals people that get you. I spend so much of my life feeling misunderstood and misrepresented, that when I find someone that actually interprets what I say in the way that I meant it, I latch onto them like crazy glue. And let me tell, it's not easy to understand me. Well, I think that anyway. Last night an old friend and I were chatting about the new guy. He asked me if I thought it would last. I gave him an honest answers- "Only God knows." I mean, at the moment, this guy seems to get me. I've shown myself completely and he still likes me. All of me. But still, I don't know where it's going. Although, we do have a lot of fun coming up with all the possible scenarios together.

That last detail shocked my friend. He's spent the last few years listening to my sad stories about what might not be that he seemed to be pleasantly surprised to see that I was returning to the hopeless romantic that I once was.

Kind of... You see, this old friend is one of the few people that actually gets me. In a different world, we likely would have been perfect together. But, in college he cheated on me, got a girl- who apparently couldn't stand me- pregnant, married said girl, divorced her, and then shows up 3 years later, new baby in tow, declaring that I was always The ONE and asking for a second chance. *deep sigh*. I have a bleeding heart so I forgave him, went out on date with him, and even played Barbie with the kid.

Needless to say, it didn't work out. I'd been in a long-term relationship since him and honestly, by the time he came back around I'd gotten over him. It's a weird dynamic that we have now. I do love him. I don't have to explain myself or qualify my statements when I talk to him. We NEVER fight. I can't remember a time that we ever did, actually. Even that time he cheated... BUT, I also never miss him. Or wonder what he's doing. Or have a desire to call him. But, as long as he calls me I'll always answer. And I'll always listen to whatever story he has to tell- he ALWAYS has a story.

But my point is not about him in particular, I'm just using him as an example because I talked to him last night. My point is that I have a nice little collection of people like that in my life. For whatever reason, we just clicked. I was me and they were they and together we were good. I'd say off the wall shit, and they'd totally understand. They would do things that were completely beyond my realm of understanding and we'd laugh about it. Some of these people I talk to everyday. A few are like the friend above. And one of them, I'll likely marry. No matter the dynamic, each of them have a place in my heart that could never be filled by anyone else but them. And that's special y'all.

I don't know. I consider myself a person that is hard to get to know but easy to love. And if you don't love me, it's because you really don't know me. Cause, if you knew me, you'd know that knowing me means that I really love you!!! And who doesn't love someone that really loves them?! Crazy people? You don't want to be a crazy person, do you? So, I guess this is my ode to those handful of people that really get me. Thank you, to those of you who understand that my adventures in racism are actually my fervent attempt at growth and enlightenment. Thank you to those who understand my failed attempts at transitioning to natural hair was symbolic of my attempt at gaining confidence and embracing all the aspects of me that society would have me to believe were not that great, but in actuality were AWESOME. And thank you to those same people who didn't judge me when I fell off the wagon and went back to the creamy crack. Thank you to those who know when and WHAT to ignore, and when and what to address. Thank you for never forgetting that even though I try to maintain a hard shell, it's candy thin and I'm still just a big ball of pudding inside. And a super special thank you to the ones who still think I'm cute after seeing the ugliest part of me.

I could go on. But those of you who get me don't need me to. And those of you who don't...well this wasn't for you anyway.

Happy Thursday to you. Happy Friday to me. Because, you know, today is my Friday. Because I'm off tomorrow. So, I probably won't talk to you again until next week.

So. Bye.

Or rather, TTYL.

Ok.

peace out.

Bosses should be required to take extra vacation...

Someone left "Isn't She Lovely" on my voicemail today. It's the little things y'all. Definitely needed a pick me up since I have had the increasing urge all day to strangle my boss. Of course I'd never... Then again, she better not let me catch her slippin...

It's all pretty ironic though that she unknowingly picks the week that I'm chewing on a job offer to go all postal. Lucky for her, I now have more reasons to stay than leave. Unlucky for her though, I've now got my mind set on somewhere else. And when I let my mind wander off into elaborate visions of what might one day be, I let out a deep sigh...cause nothing else even matters. I'm good. Life is good. :)

It's really quite amazing y'all. I'm fighting a bladder infection- which means no alcohol, my boss is a sociopath, and my apartment is a wreck and I'm going out of town in two days! BUT, I'm happy. I'm calm. I am pretty relaxed. Tomorrow might suck, but today...today is a great day.

And then mom said, "Have a good night at the bar, dear."

November has been pretty insane. Out of the 14 days that have passed this month, I've only been sober for about 4 of them. The D.C. trip was a giant soup bowl of boring sessions and beer- yes, I drink beer now she said proudly. And this weekend was D.C. minus the sessions and plus an endearing acoustic rendition of Baby Got Back. I'm still recovering. It's all fun and games until you lose your ability to make smart decisions. If you're luck this just means you order a spinach omelet instead of the Belgian waffle from IHOP at 2 a.m. If you're not, it could mean waking up naked in a strange bed staring at a box of unused condoms. Luckily, none of these happened to me. My waffle was great...I think. But, my point remains that things totally could have went left for me, especially this past Saturday night.

Opening myself to men outside of my race has really been a learning experience. Now, I walk into a bar and instead of automatically scanning the room for color, I now notice the white and latino faces eagerly awaiting to make eye contact with me. This has been a gift and a curse. Now it's not just the brothers I have to shoot down, but I now have to come up with nice ways to say I'm not interested but you can still buy me a drink to all the dudes, and hombres as well. *whew* It's tiring, lol. Anyway, this is totally relevant to what happened Saturday night. So I walk into this bar with about 5 other girls. Me and my new BFF Nina were the only brown girls in the crew. Anyway, instinctively I assess that there are no black guys in the bar. The old me would have just drug Nina to a comfortable spot in the corner for some downtime and girl talk. I would have just assumed that this wasn't our kind of spot and that none of the guys in there were checking for us and that was fine because I wasn't checking for them. Instead, with my new found lack of color-blindness, I immediately noticed several smiles, winks, and nervous glances sent my way. One nicely built baldie stood out in particular. Nina had her pick of the cutest guys as well. After my fifth free shot, I heard a friend say, "So did we have to bring the best looking black girls we knew?!" I was flattered- mostly because I talk a lot of shit, but honestly I have never considered myself to be one of the pretty girls. *cue the violins* But, I also caught a  glimpse of how white girls must feel when every black girl in the rooms shoots them a side eye just because a couple of cute black guys are chatting them up. While some of them may do it to get a rise out of us, if they're like me, they're just engaging and having some fun. Anyway, I digress... let's continue.

So, me and Nina are at the bar taking shots and talking shit when our group decides it's time to go. We gladly get up to leave when Stone Cold Steve Austin decides he's not ready for me to leave. He grabs me around my waist, pulls me to him and tells my friend that I'm a grown ass woman and I don't have to go anywhere until I'm ready. So, I spin around, tell him he's a stranger and that I'm leaving. It's then that he pulls his wallet out of MY pocket and tells me since when do I keep stranger's wallets in my pocket. Apparently, he'd put it in their earlier to prove to me that he was trustworthy...if that makes any sense.

Anyway, the night ended with my friend slapping him after he tried to put his hands down MY pants... *deep sigh*

And for this reason, I say parents should really encourage their kids to drink in college. I didn't drink in college. If I had, I would have already had this and other embarrassing alcohol related experiences and been better prepared. I would have already learned to beware of men in Ed Hardy tees bearing shots. This also wouldn't have happened that night if I still had a ban on white men. So to Enlightenment I say, um, thank you?? But instead, as a 26 year old professional, I was involved in a situation in which the bartender had to threaten to takeout her bat.

...And all I could think the next night when I was finally sober was damn, I'm too old for this shit.

Minus the minor sexual assault and hangover, I had a freakin' blast!

Happy Monday. And if this isn't a "growin' up is hard" story, I don't know what is...

XOXO

Easy come, easy go...

Yay! Just what I wanted...

Hi guys. I think my need for this blog is coming to end- well this blog in particular anyway. A lot of things have changed in my life and my writing is sure to reflect it. And, well...what I have to say just really isn't suited for a place called "Cause growin' up is hard..." anymore. That's not to say my life has suddenly become perfect- it hasn't. But I'm different. Things are different. My reactions are different. And right now, even though I'm completely exhausted from my D.C. trip and extremely conflicted about the job offer I just received 4 months after I applied, I am incredibly happy. I got a ticket on the way back from Houston. It was at night, I'd just gotten off a 3.5 hour plane ride with the dreaded middle seat, and I'm pretty sure I was talking to God the whole way home. I'd seen the blue lights behind me about 5 minutes prior to actually pulling over. I thought it was an ambulance so I slowed down and changed lanes. Then I thought- damn, this ambulance could have passed me already! Then it finally dawned on me. "Oh...shit."

Everybody knows getting a ticket can fuck up your entire night, week, and even month if they catch during that "if-I-can-just-make-it-to-pay-day" period. I wish I could give you the extreme play-by-play which would surely entertain you, but I can't. Five minutes after pulling back onto the highway, I got a phone call and heard a voice that pulled me right back to my happy place and managed to keep me there even after getting home and reading the guide that told me my ticket would cost me $224. Now if you know me and how I feel about money, I'm sure you want to give the person that accomplished that a prize right now. Lucky for you, he thinks the prize is me. So you're off the hook ;-).

I feel...something. I know what it is. I just can't say it yet. But soon...

Oh well, here's to another Friday post. You'll hear from me again. November is just super crazy for me, but in a good way. As soon as I get back to myself, we'll chat again. I won't quit you. I'm just evolving...but I promise to take you with me. :)

"I got one question for ya. Is you happy?" - T.I. King of the South

Me too, girl in green dress. Me too...

I'm so happy. I wish I had more time to tell you all about what's got me feeling this way. But I kinda don't, lol. My calendar is so incredibly full for the month of November- I'm out of state 3 weekends in a row and still adding crap. But I'm happy. For the first time, I'm not stalking job sites in other cities and states (...well one, lol. But that's another story for another day (-; ). I'm good where I'm at. Life has sped up to a comfortably exciting pace and a new adventure has me feeling...things I've never felt before- more peace and calm than I ever thought I'd have.

Trust me, the irony of this type of post on this blog has not missed me. But fortunately for your entertainment, this is real life and real life is not perfect. So, I'm sure I'll have some dramatic tale about something dramatically annoying for you shortly. But, I'm no rush for that. Instead, right now I'm going to throw myself headfirst into the joy that I'm feeling. Soak up every ounce of happiness. *deep sigh* Life is short. Too short to wait for happiness that's readily available to you today.

Happy Friday! Whatever makes you happy, go do it. Whoever makes you happy, go do them. hehehe, I'm so naughty. :)

XOXO