Recognition is the first step...

...bitch.

I am so jealous of talented people. Like, EXTREMELY jealous- singers, especially.  I think I'm so jealous of singers because I love music so very much and singing is one of the few things that you can't learn. Sure, you can take vocal lessons, but you either have IT or you don't. I don't have IT. I can sing, but my voice is not remarkable and it's very weak.  After a strong first verse, I'm straining. But, if there was ever a competition for singing in the shower, I'd win.

But anyway... So naturally, I hate Beyonce. If she was much older than me, my jealousy would take the form of extreme admiration. But since we are more or less the same age, I hate her. Passionately. She's gorgeous. She can sing. She can dance.  She's not the brightest crayon in the box and she can't act. But when she's in her lane, she's genius.  She doesn't need the rest. And she's married to the hottest and richest, ugly rapper in life. Annndddd now she's birthed the second coming of Beysus! What?! #winning.

Whitney? That's my auntie.  Toni and Tamia? They're my second cousins.  Ella is my great grandma and Adele? Well, Adele is my bestie in my head.

I do recognize though that what these people have in common with each other and not me, besides natural ability, is an incredible work ethic.  They work extremely hard to be who they are.  There are kids on a school bus somewhere right now belting out the theme song from Lean On Me.  What surely is an Grammy worthy performance will likely never be heard by anyone other than the other kids on that bus, or in their neighborhood as they continue to sing walking down the street.

I have never had to work hard for anything.  If that doesn't change, it will be the reason why I'll never be great.  I've never had to be great.  I've always gotten by on perceived excellence. It's a gift and a curse.  I'm naturally intelligent.  I have a natural ability to retain knowledge and comprehend. But I've never worked those abilities.  It's like muscles. We all have the ability to have some level of definition, ripped abs and a sexy back.  But most of us will never have that definition because we won't work the muscles hard enough to see results.  We envy those who do, but clearly not enough to put in the same level work to achieve the same level of results. And still, like I mentioned earlier, we each have unique natural abilities. So knowing that some people take to playing piano much easier than others can really deter the poor kid struggling to learn her scales.  Life still has a way of balancing out the playing field though. If that kid with the long graceful fingers isn't careful, if they are lazy with their ability, they will learn the hard way that a perfected craft beats out raw talent every time.

My point? My point is that I recognize I'm lazy.  Where as I'd love for some young girl to one day name me in her list of stars, I know that it may never happen simply because I didn't put in the work.  I don't like to work hard. Never had to.  I've been able to give the minimum, even up until this very moment, and still come out on top of my peers.  I know it must secretly infuriate those that know me well.  I don't understand it but I know I get it from dad.  He had to have been cats in all his lives because he literally has a million lives.  I call it the favor of God on our lives. But I know that God could remove His hand from me at any time. And then, where would I be? At some point I have to meet Him halfway, right?  I do want to excel at something, anything...  I suppose it's time to grow up and put in the work before the novelty of all that is me fades.

So, my plan is to launch a three-fold attack on myself- mind, body, and soul.  I've lost and kept off 8 whole pounds in three months all from just eating better.  Determined to not just settle for well enough when it comes to my body and the way it looks, I went for a run last night. And I'm going Wednesday, and Friday.  I want to tone and define my body and that's going to take work.  Probably not as much as it does for others, but still, more work than I'd like to do.  I got lots of cat calls from the college guys as I jogged by in tights.  The run taught me two things- 1) my butt looks good. 2) I've got too much pride to let a bunch of young guys see me huff and puff- I ran like a beast in front of those kids.  Definitely motivation...

I've set other small goals for myself as well.  More Bible reading for my soul; yoga,meditation, and more reading for my mind; exercise and more balanced meals for my body.  I want to live an excellent life.  I don't know how long I'm here for, but I know I've wasted too much time being mediocre.  I mean, if I can be this well off doing the basics, imagine what could happen with even a little or a LOT of effort!

Happy Tuesday XOXO