|And it's only Wednesday...|
I've been telling Jesus about my troubles, but I still feel pretty lousy. Work is...super crazy right now. I feel abandoned by my team- the downside from working in a building different from your boss. I kind of feel stuck on an island that's sinking and I have no one to ask for help. And really, I just want some external comfort about it all. Unfortunately I don't have the particular comfort I desire. My best friend is married, so I lean on her far less than I used to. It's just different now. And I get tired of always running to my parents for things. While I get that they probably do understand what I'm feeling, many times it's just really hard to relate. My guy bestie, well I don't really lean on him for the everyday stressors. If something major is going on, I break down and call him. But mostly we use each other nonsensical chatter, and movie/dinner dates. I don't trust any of my co-workers enough to vent to them. And honestly, I think I've made a bad habit of getting too close to co-workers anyway. There really should be a separation.
What I need is a "help meet". That's what the Bible calls it anyway- I interpret that as a "help me to meet my needs" partner. I realize now that God made partnerships not simply for us to just enjoy them and have naked playtime, but mainly because you will need someone to help you get through this life. You will need someone who you can text in the middle of the night about a bad dream. You will need someone who you can run to the parking lot and give a quick call because you've had bad experience at work. Girls will need a guy to come kill a really big, creepy- looking bug. Guys will need a girl to make them soup and do their laundry when they're sick. The loving and affection is an amazing byproduct but OMG, all that other stuff is priceless.
I need a partner. Something really just...stupid happened at work today and I just need to vent about it. Or be comforted. Really all I need is a, "You know what, I feel you. I've had one of those moments. Don't take it personally. And didn't you say they told you that woman hates everyone? So what are you worried about? You never even have to see her. Take a deep breath. Welcome back to the workforce, lol." I need those words to come from someone who has me in their list of top 5 priorities. I need that from someone who thinks about me as much as I think about them. Are you listening, God? It's getting real lonely around these parts and I'm starting to feel a bit overwhelmed. Help.
XOXO from your darling daughter down here on earth...just trying to do her job...they way you want me to...trying to push ego aside...trying to learn as much as I can while still garnering the respect of my peers...it's hard.
This is hard. Growing up is hard. When will I stop growing and just be grown?