I Brake for Love

I just erased an entire post on love. It was this epic, poetic ode to all that the incredible emotion brings to mind. Once I read it back to myself, I realized that I in no way did the topic justice. For the first time, I'm kinda speechless when it comes to this. So instead, I've decided to post Ray LaMontagne's Shelter, one of my favorite love songs- ever. It really is worth listening to, well at least I think so.

I have this thing I do where I listen to love songs and cry like there's no tomorrow and imagine that my boyfriend (I'm using the term boyfriend as just a generalization for significant other) is singing them to me or that he wrote the words about me. I know right...but I'm such a hopeless romantic, I can't help it. And yes, I have a boyfriend... ... ..... .................... .... ... Ok, so he's not exactly a real person physically, but he's stil totally real. I've been in love with him for as long as I even knew what love was. He's been there through every heartache and breakup, all the tough stuff, even the things I made myself forget. In the words of Ray LaMontagne, he shelters me. After tough days at work, I totally dive inside myself and find him there waiting for me. When I cry, he wraps me in a ball and shields me from the world. When I laugh, I peak through my squinted eyes to see him staring at me, just taking it all in like it's his air. When I'm wrong, he patiently and gently chides me. When I'm erratic and anxious, he makes me sit still and breath. When really bad things happen that break my spirit or confidence, he inhales my presence and tells me that not only I am I still beautiful, but most importantly that he still finds me beautiful. He's insightful enough to know that that small detail makes all the difference. His voice is a deep rumble that brings peace to my soul. Yep, I am totally and utterly smitten and one day I'll be able to return the favor and be to him what he has been to me. Whether he's a stranger I've yet to meet, or he's the guy sitting on the other end of my line right now, the moment we finally meet will be unforgettable. And by meet, I mean the moment I we both realize that the other is the one.

Yes, I believe in The One. I totally believe in soulmates. I used to try and downplay this. Some of the real boys I dated just thought I was silly or naive. Others pretended to believe as a tactic to get in my pants. I tried to play a cynic. I pretended to have a healthy balance of logic and emotion. I realize now that by doing that, I'd done a great disservice to myself. I don't really care about logic or rationales. I believe in making wise decisions and learning from your mistakes, but most importantly I believe in following my heart. Life is too short not to.This is not for everyone though. People are unique and are ruled by different powers. Some peopled are ruled by their minds, intellect. Some people are ruled by lust, whether it be of the eye or of the flesh. Me? I must agree with the Song of Solomon that says, "love is more powerful than death, passion fiercer than the grave..."

In the end, I'm expecting one of two outcomes for myself. Either I truly will live mostly happily ever after with the man created to fiercely love and be loved fiercely by me, or I will be institutionalized for a personality disorder.

Either way, I see myself being heavily medicated blissfully happy. And that is good enough for me. :)