Grandpa's dead...Who's turn is it to deal?

Taken after one of the many Kennedy family funerals...

Bad news travels fast. Got some last night. Then I got a call from my moms this morning. I could hear it in her voice... But then I thought about the Jacqueline Kennedy story I watched last night. She made a comment about the Kennedy family that more or less said- whenever bad things happen to the Kennedys, they go out to dinner or play football. That really stood out to me. Just that whole attitude of forging ahead and latching on to some joy instead of drowning in sorrow mystifies me. When bad things happen in my family, we all tend to get very dramatic, dive inward, and cry until our faces fall off. Just because it was normal for us, doesn't mean it was healthy.


I don't know... I was going to write a totally different post but this is what's on my mind right now. I was laughing at something earlier and I caught myself. For an instance, time stood still and I took in just how incredibly happy I was at that moment. I know everyday can't be full of happiness and laughter, but it can come close. Pride has kept me from making a lot of necessary decisions in the past few years. I've been afraid to leave my field because I didn't want anyone to think I couldn't cut it. I also didn't want a negative change in my lifestyle. I held on to certain relationships all because I didn't want to admit to my friends or myself that I couldn't make them work. I didn't reach for certain goals because I was too afraid to fail. So many things I do for the wrong reasons. So many things I did wrong that I really thought were right. They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I believe them.

The are some things that I've been wanting to do that for whatever reason I didn't. But, seeing as how I think they'll make me happy, I'm going to do them. I'd been quietly planning my life around other things...other people. Now, I really see that it's just me. And that's not so bad. Actually, it's not a bad thing at all. As a matter of fact, it's GREAT! When you're unhappy, you make the people around you unhappy. So, since I have to be the change... I'm going to give myself an overhaul. Make me better. Make me Happy. As someone so masterfully scribbled on the bathroom mirror with a dry erase marker, "happiness is a choice, choose it or be miserable." I paraphrased. But that's what I took from it. *shrug*

Happy Wednesday. Enjoy Humping someone Day!