Break-ups to Make-ups...

She just got done talking to Jesus.

I've been giving Jesus a hard time lately. It's only because we've been having a bit of a spat the past few years...Well, I've been having a spat with Him. Jesus doesn't respond well to threats. Or the silent treatment. And that's probably the one thing I hate about Him. Like most of my ex-boyfriends, He can just be as cold as ice sometimes! I cry and He says nothing. I get mad at Him cause I'm Single in the Sticks<<light bulb>> and He goes and makes Beyonce pregnant. I'm all like, damn homie! SMH...



Anyway, I realize that it's stupid to blame all the things on Him that I do. I took the job, I chose the guys, I said it, I did it... Blah, blah, blah. I still don't know why He can't just fix stuff for me though. I mean the man God um, HE turns water into wine, brings Lazarus back from the dead AND let's Peter walk on the ocean but He can't or rather He won't drop a new and wonderful job into my lap. Better yet- since He's a miracle worker, can't he just drop a hot, wealthy, Rhodes Scholar, doctor without borders, ex-navy seal on my front step? Who also happened to be a kindergarten teacher before quitting to take a year off to study the Bible. Is that too much to ask? I mean, it's not like I'm asking Him to defy the laws of nature which He has clearly done before without much prompting.

Is a credit score in at least the mid to high 700s too much to ask also? I think not- I think that request is actually rather modest of me. How about perfect skin? Or at least naturally straight teeth? He kills me with these mini-fangs He's got growing inside my head. And while we're at it, can I have bigger boobs? I think a nice full B cup would look smashing and smash-worthy on me. Can't He also just revert my hair overnight back to its natural form. And can its natural form be a tad bit less nappy???

OH! And can He possibly cut my um, "numbers" in half? It'd be nice to count them all on one hand again. And can He delete that one really awful number?


*deep sigh* I could go on, but I'll stop. Because honestly, all those things make me me. A couple thousand dollars would cure my teeth. Add another stack and I could get the boobs... All of those things I could acquire on my own with either money or patience. But I don't have that much money. Or patience. But I should get some. Of both.

I forgot where I was going with this. Was just interrupted with another brilliant thought to ponder. I'll probably write about it tomorrow.

Oh well, I think this post was somehow meant to make amends with Jesus- though I can't quite remember how. So, I'll just say thanks, Jesus. I really do love you. And I really am sorry for being a butt to you. I do wish you'd talk back to me but I can't make you do anything you don't wanna do. I also wish you'd do all those other things I asked for as well. All things in time I guess...