A "Prodigal" experience

Yeah, He created it...But He didn't intend for it to solve ALL of our problems...

Sooooooo, this weekend was muy muy interesante... I told you in my previous post that I was out on a ledge. Well, this weekend after a sort of major/minor blowup with my mom, a baby shower invitation, and just a bad case of the imtwentysixwhatamidoingwithmylife, I was pretty much head first out the window watching the ground run to meet my face. Every now and then I'd start a thought with, oh Lord, and then I'd remember that I was no longer speaking to Jesus. I even went to the bar...alone. It wasn't so bad actually except that this is East Texas so instead of getting to drown my sorrows in my cucumber martini with the rest of the lowly drunks, I had to watch some random game with a band of raging lunatics that some people might refer to as children. Cause for some reason, parents here think it's entertaining to request seating for them and their kids at the bar.




But anyway, after about the 10th interrupted almost-prayer, God either had mercy or got really annoyed with me because a couple friends called me over to play cards. I had fixed my mouth to say, sorry I can't cause I have to go pet some monkeys but what came out was, "um...ok." I was grumpy and angry and just not happy, and they were just what I needed. They NEVER allow me to feel that way, which is annoying a lot of times. But again, it was what I needed. We ate burgers, talked trash around the card table, and made fun of the The Secret Life of Bees playing in the background all while their teenage son stared at me with the eyes of a future pedophile. Good times.

And then God tricked me. My friend ended the night by saying, "So I'll see you at church tomorrow?" I said, "um...ok."  I didn't mean to say that. I hadn't planned on going to church. I WASN'T going to church. But now I had to go. Because God knew as well as I did that if I didn't go THAT Sunday, I wasn't going back. At all. And so I did. And it was... great. I had forgotten why people praised God. Sunday, I remembered. They do it because, if for no other reason, sometimes it just feels good. They sung a song about Him being so great. I ignored them until a thought came to mind:


Forget about all the things that have happened to you, or been done to you. For one moment, focus on the choices you've made that were outside of My will, relationships you entered but did not invite Me in, decisions you made without consulting Me. Do you not see Me?


As I chewed on that one, another thought came to me...

I won't won't tell you why other people seem to do so well and make it without Me. I will just ask you if you think you can?


I answered that question immediately. HEEELLLL LORRDDD NO! Life is hard enough as it is. But knowing what I know about Jesus, there's no way I could make it without Him. And I don't even want to imagine what my life would be like if He didn't have His hands on me. And I'm certainly not willing to try and find out.

And just when I thought SBJ (Sweet Baby Jesus) and I had come to an understanding, the preacher calls me out- BY NAME!!! *IJUSTHATEBEINGCALLEDOUTINCHURCHWITHAPASSION!!!!* I won't share what he um, "prophesied," but I will say that I received it. And honestly, I sure hope it comes to pass. If When it does, you'll be one of the first to know :)

So anyway, I'm not preaching. I'm just saying it's important to hold on to what you believe- whatever you believe. The Bible says that a man who wavers is unstable in all his ways. That's not mystical, that's just good practical sense. Malcolm X expressed the same thought when he said a man who stands for nothing will fall for anything.

So yeah, I'm jumping back on the Jesus train. Additional passengers are always welcome!!! BUT, I don't mind riding by myself :)

XOXO