Thank you :-)

...just for me :-)

Sooo, I've been absent...but for good reason- I'm engaged!!! *cheer, shout, jump for jump* And, I still can't believe it. My relationship with my boyfrie FIANCE is so incredibly unexpected and random that it's quite obvious to us both that God was orchestrating this from the start. Anyways, I honestly didn't come on here to post about my engagement- as wonderful as it is- but rather just to make a public declaration of thanks to Jesus. Trying to plan a wedding in less than 6 months (no, I'm not pregnant) has been a bit stressful to say the least, not to mention that life is still happening, my job still sucks, and bills are still due. But regardless of all that, I realize that in this very moment, my life is perfect. At this very moment I am happy, healthy, and those that I love are well. If I never see tomorrow, I can say with all conviction that God has been sooooooo good to me!!!

Happy Tuesday!

I'm not complaining, but...

Today has really been one of those days... so much so that I had to go home and pop half a Xanax just to keep my head from exploding. It all started with the March of the Drones. That is the name I've given to that miserable walk between the parking garage and my office. I already knew it was going to be some kind of a day. I was about 21 minutes late and due to the food baby I'm carrying, my pants didn't exactly fit and my butt looked extra big. Normally I'd love that, but today I just felt like I was lugging around one of those ghetto booties- just big for no reason. *deep sigh* **I digress**

Anyway, I made the fortunate mistake of watching some TED video about how schools kills creativity. It displayed in the most brilliant animated way how formal education strips us of every ounce of creative juice in our being that makes us unique. By the time we are old enough to realize and embark on our dreams, most of us have already been reduced to mere scantron sheets in human clothing. And when that happens, if you're lucky, you end up in an office with a beautiful view pushing papers with important to someone other than yourself information that you are responsible for processing/collating/transferring to file 13 so that the machine continues to operate smoothly and the rich SOBs controlling them get to buy their little brats that totally necessary jet ski for their 13 birthday...

I've lost where I was going with this rant but you get the picture.

Happy Thursday.

Ohsh*teffingmonkeyballs! It's only Wednesday.

:-(

Noooo, I don't really wanna get high...

Hey, let's get away...

...on weed, anyway. I wouldn't mind  getting high on life though. It's that time of year again when I get super antsy. And my view of  GAP doesn't help. It's beautiful outside and I'm stuck in here pretending to work while the man pretends along with me...all for what?! I'd be so much more productive and cost effective if they let me come to work from noon to, I dunno, say 3 p.m.?  For the most part, 3 hours is all I need to accomplish my to-do-list anyway.

I don't even know why I waste my poor fingers' energy on these kinds of posts. I think I'll just do what  I do best and go back to daydreaming of being somewhere else while going through the motions of being here.

Oh well, Happy Almost-Friday!!!

Sporadic thought of the day...

Man, I wish I could get high right now. No, I've never been high, but I swear everyone that has makes it sound so good.

Clearly, it can't be that bad...

Conversation overhead between my BF and his boss:
Boss: Man, you burn? I used to stay burning back in the day...
BF: *almost chokes on coke* Um, nah brother. That's against company policy...
Boss: *side eye and blank stare*
BF: I mean, yeah though...back in the day.
*silence*
*BF sweating bullets*
Boss: LOL!!! That's what I'm talking about brother! What I wouldn't give to be back in the day. *stares into space*
Me: ...WOW, seriously?? *thinking to myself- dammit, where was I when everyone was getting high?!"

Happy Wednesday. If you work a 9 8 to 5 like me, than I certainly hope you're not getting high right now. However, if you're one of the lucky ones spending your 40 hours doing something that doesn't suck the life out of you, I hope you realize that that in itself is all the high you need.

I drank the Kool-Aid...

So I finally discovered Yoga. It. Is. Everything. those creepy hipster, vegans tell you it is. My first visit was a couple weeks ago. I was terribly stressed, at my wits end, and because of poor diet and lack of motion, I was looking more and more like I was carrying an unborn child. Suddenly I thought of my old granola munching roomie, how peaceful she always seemed to be with life, and immediately pulled up the schedule of the yoga studio she use to attend. It was just my luck that they offer a free class on Friday- I was in there!

After a brief adventure in squeezing into spandex and a few awkward introductions, I found myself resting on a borrowed mat in a warm, open space downtown. A few moments later, Tomb Raider sauntered in from a hidden place in the front of the studio and set up shop in the back. Right. Beside. Me. I hated her. I hated her genuinely sweet smile, painted on yoga clothes, and the way her thighs didn't touch. I'm convinced she's an alien. I knew instantly who she was, though. She's like the yoga instructor of all yoga instructors. Fortunately for me, she wasn't leading this particular class. Instead we had some new chick who butchered the instructions. That was fine by me though because I'm pretty sure I matched her in butchering the moves. Nonetheless, an hour later after much grunting, wheezing, and praying, I found myself lying on a communal mat, hot, sweaty, maybe a bit stinky and feeling more at peace than I can ever remember feeling before.

*deep sigh*

It was a truly amazing experience. I left with a new found lightness and a desire to eat hummus and smoke weed. One Popeye's 3-wing combo later and I was over the munchies BUT I still held onto the desire for that constant peace. I may not know why the caged birds sing, but I do know why liberal white people do yoga.

Anyway, there will be lots more to come on my adventures in yoga. I'm also back on the track- the boy is even going with me. I'm determined to get my mind, body, and spirit in order and I'm finally at a place where I'm truly willing to take actions in making it happen.

Happy Monday!!!

XOXO

"Why you gotta be like that? Don't be like that. Cause I deserve better than that..."

totally feeling like this today...except that door should say "Life" instead of just "Boss"...

It's barely 9 a.m. and I'm already near tears. I thought I was passed letting work make me cry, but I'm there. I can feel the heat behind my face. I refuse to blink because blinking always leads to tears. I'm wearing a plastered smile and wishing to float through this day without stepping on any toes and without anyone stepping on mine. My plans to leave have been a bit altered since the S.O. has decided he'd like to move here instead.

*deep sigh*

As this job would be double the money for him, I'd never discourage the move, but I can't say that I'm not a bit disappointed. It's not final yet so there's still a chance...but I feel like an awful person for holding out hope against what he desires.

The thing is, I'm 2 clicks past miserable right about now. This. Job. Devours. Life. The people in it don't care that you're miserable because they're miserable too. And misery loves company.

I feel like it's breaking my spirit. I say "breaking" instead of "broken" because I still have a bit of fight left in me. You know, I don't know anyone who does this job- that actually works- who isn't borderline miserable. It makes you bitter to be spit on everyday. No matter what you do, it's never right...it's never enough. I've started some projects but the daily defeat I experience here robs me of the strength to heartily pursue anything else. I know this is not the way God would have me live my life.

I've got to get out...I've made a promise to myself to get out. My one and only goal this year is to love myself more. I feel like that is going to be the key to solving all other issues in my life... Can't help but be.

...for the sake of writing SOMETHING!

Me for the past 42 days...

I've started no less than about 15 posts since the last time I talked to you. I just.can't.finish.them. I don't know what my problem is. Could be that I'm extremely busy at work and don't really have the time, therefore am easily distracted. Or it could be that I don't really care about what I'm writing, thus I lose interest quickly. The point is, I just haven't been able to complete a post so instead of trying to fix it, i'm just going to sum up a few of my 2012 almostposts with these nice bullets below- in no particular order:

*Whitney gone. I cried real tears about this and am not ashamed to say so.

*The misadventures of Valentine's Day this year turned out beautifully. I received wonderful flower arrangements from the boy and the 'rents and tear filled calls of thanks from each of them and my sister for the unexpected V-day packages I'd sent them.

*I've gained a bit more weight in all the right places and feeling super sex-say.

*"Facebook official?! Oh Lord, where's my Xanax?"

*I'm officially "down with the swirl" and my and the boy's families are ALL about it. No one is more surprised by anything in that statement than me.

*Someone please explain to me why Facebook can't leave well enough alone.

*They said you'd know true love when you found it. They did not, however, say what it was you were supposed to do with it :-/

Ok, that's it for now. I promise you they would have been riveting reads had I actually finished them. At some point I hope to be back to my regular routine. I envy my friends who are able to stick with this sort of thing but I'm proud of myself for being as consistent as I had been for a while. Nonetheless, It's all good over here. I'm good. Life is good. Love is good. I'm *this* much closer to my move to Baton Rouge (did I mention this yet? I'm sure it was apart of yet another unpublished post. my bad...) and I'm all kinds of anxious. I'm nervous about being in such close and constant proximity to the boy, but my readiness to get the heck out of dodge overrides it a bit.

Did I mention he found a ring? Did I mention he was looking for a ring? Have I even mentioned that it was serious enough to even be discussing jewelry. *deep sigh* My bad...again.

Oh well, that's all for now. I hope you're happy and full of joy! Until next time, Love, Peace, and Soul. Damn. Don gone, too. SMH.