"Why you gotta be like that? Don't be like that. Cause I deserve better than that..."

totally feeling like this today...except that door should say "Life" instead of just "Boss"...

It's barely 9 a.m. and I'm already near tears. I thought I was passed letting work make me cry, but I'm there. I can feel the heat behind my face. I refuse to blink because blinking always leads to tears. I'm wearing a plastered smile and wishing to float through this day without stepping on any toes and without anyone stepping on mine. My plans to leave have been a bit altered since the S.O. has decided he'd like to move here instead.

*deep sigh*

As this job would be double the money for him, I'd never discourage the move, but I can't say that I'm not a bit disappointed. It's not final yet so there's still a chance...but I feel like an awful person for holding out hope against what he desires.

The thing is, I'm 2 clicks past miserable right about now. This. Job. Devours. Life. The people in it don't care that you're miserable because they're miserable too. And misery loves company.

I feel like it's breaking my spirit. I say "breaking" instead of "broken" because I still have a bit of fight left in me. You know, I don't know anyone who does this job- that actually works- who isn't borderline miserable. It makes you bitter to be spit on everyday. No matter what you do, it's never right...it's never enough. I've started some projects but the daily defeat I experience here robs me of the strength to heartily pursue anything else. I know this is not the way God would have me live my life.

I've got to get out...I've made a promise to myself to get out. My one and only goal this year is to love myself more. I feel like that is going to be the key to solving all other issues in my life... Can't help but be.